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Why Can Neil Patrick Harris Say That’s ‘Too Gay’ and Straights Can’t?

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Every other Tuesday, Steven Petrow, the author of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners” (Workman, 2011), addresses questions about gay and straight etiquette for a boomer-age audience. Send questions for Civil Behavior to stevenpetrow@earthlink.net. Campy Language and Hurtful Slurs Q. Dear Civil Behavior: How can we expect the nongay community to stop saying things like “that’s so gay” or “he’s such a fag,” when many in our own community use those same words? Why is it O.K. for two gay men to refer to a third as a “girl” who’s “one hot mess,” but not O.K. if a straight man says the same about a gay man? It feels similar to the challenge the black community has, fighting...

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